Those Words given by My Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider failure to open up amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - spending a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."